Adventures in the night

The twins woke me up at midnight for a feed. It was an uncomfortably warm night and I was parched. I shook James and whispered, “Can you get me a glass of water please?”

“Yes”, he said in a very sober voice. I waited a second. He was asleep again. I kicked his shin and said, “Bring me water!”

He stumbled out of bed and as he headed towards the bedroom door I hissed “Water!” again.

I heard him open the tap in the kitchen, filling a glass of water then drinking it. Then there was silence. The twins were feeding contently while I was straining my ears.

Where was my husband? He could be in the back bathroom. He could be in our older daughter’s room where he slept while I was pregnant. Or he could be on the Moon, I thought darkly.

Time passed. The twins finished eating and went back to sleep. I seethed.

Finally, my dear husband appeared at the base of the bed, empty handed.

“Where is the glass of water I asked for half an hour ago?!” – I hissed. He looked startled and injured in the semi-darkness of our bedroom. A minute later he finally brought me a glass of water which I gulped greedily while glaring at him.

He climbed into the bed and curled on his pillow.

“I am very upset,” he said and immediately fell asleep again.

15 minutes later Riley, our older daughter, woke up sobbing “Mummmmmy!”

After some persuasion James went to see what was wrong. Nothing was wrong except Riley didn’t want Daddy, she wanted Mummy (again).

“I don’t want to sleep by myself!” – she wailed.

It’s hard for me to understand her struggle with being by herself because I would like nothing better right now than sleeping a whole night by myself. It seems like a dream that will never come true. An uninterrupted night in a big clean bed with no other hot bodies in it… any time by myself is precious but at night especially.

After some whispering and cuddles Riley went back to sleep. I realised I needed the bathroom.

As I tried to get to the bathroom door opposite our bedroom I felt the unmistakeable horror of a spider web on my face. It was a terrible déjà vu I realised as the exact same thing had happened to me the night before but I somehow blanked it out of my memory. At that moment I was far more awake and I saw the culprit, a big spider, on the wall.

Once again I woke James up and hid in the other bathroom. The offending spider wasn’t even a huntsman (which are quite common inside houses in Australia), it was an orb spider which are all over our garden. A harmless thing really, except when it’s on you at 1 am in the morning.

Last time James decided to get rid of a spider in a humane way it didn’t end well. He caught a big huntsman in a takeaway container, walked out of the gate and let it go. It scurried toward the road only to be hit by a passing car.

“It would rather be dead than captured,” I said.

“Must have been one of those Japanese spiders from World War II”, – said James.

This time James didn’t try to do the right thing, killed the orb spider with a thong and disposed of it in the rubbish bin after wrapping it in a paper towel. No spider can escape a paper towel, right?

Miraculously, all three kids slept through the commotion and I spent some time after listening to everyone’s breathing and trying not to think of spiders. Then I slept too.

4 thoughts on “Adventures in the night”

  1. Haha noooo! That is too funny :). Especially the bits where James talks to you and falls asleep the very next second. There are no more babies in our house but there are preschoolers in my bed that like rolling onto me or sprawling and taking up nearly the entire bed.

    The other night I was woken up by them tossing and turning in their sleep, realised I wanted a drink, went to get one and noticed something unusual out of the corner of my eye. Slithering along as fast as it could, a giant slug was busy crossing the hallway between the front door and the dining room. I am weary of slugs and snails because of this: so I had to do something about it.

    I tried to wake T. up. He said I had already woken him up with all the elephant stomping I did to get my drink but no, he would not dispose of the slug for me! His sage advice was to grow up and do it myself. I was wide awake and extremely annoyed. So I picked up a random children’s drawing off the floor, maneuvered the slug onto it, opened the front door and threw it onto the porch.

    Went back to bed. The kids settled down and slept peacefully, while I tossed and turned for the next hour or so wondering if what I did wasn’t enough and if the slug is back inside the house. Eventually I got up and checked it and there was no slug to be seen anywhere. T. washed the floors the following morning. I disposed of the drawing that was partly eaten through by the slug. We all lived to see another day :).


    1. 🙂 next time try pouring some salt on it (or even having a line of salt around something you don’t want to protect from slugs) – apparently it dehydrates them and they deflate like the evil witch of the west 🙂 although I’m not sure you can do that for the entire house!
      P.S. looks like they are only dangerous if you eat them? Believe me or not, I heard of a boy who ate one on a dare, had a terrible brain injury as a result and died ☹️ He was a teenager so the adage about keeping kids alive once again when they are old enough is very true.


  2. Ahhh, the joys of motherhood! At some point they’ll straighten out for a couple of years, then they’ll hit the teen years, where they’ll give you another kind of problem. You probably won’t have many problems once they hit 30 or so.
    С новым годом, новым счастьем!


    1. Happy new year to you too David!

      I don’t mind them being little even though it’s exhausting sometimes. It can be overwhelming but there’re also moments of pure joy. Definitely makes life feel more meaningful too.


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